Team Building: Masters of Bullshit

I have to attend  3 hours meeting, dedicated to get the mandated training which was hanging like a Damocles’ sword over my head for the last 3 months.

After 3 email reminders and personal appearance from my corporate boss, the Administrative Assistant hands over the registration document.

“Breakfast and Registration 7 AM -745 AM”

That means I have to get up 1 hour earlier than usual, scraping the frosted windscreen while balancing my undulant body on the black ice. Then the commute through the fog.

2 minutes to stand in line to pick up the registration, 10 minutes behind the enormous back side of Miss Bagel to get in the conveyor belt of the toaster.

The honeydews and pineapple chunks are gone from the fruit tray.

Scooped the yellowish dirty syrup and three fermented grapes.

The sticky cinnamon pastries, reminds the introduction.

7:45 AM

8:00 AM introduction. The same old golf joke and praises and drooling

8:00 AM sharp start of the joke slides.  Haven’t I seen this yesterday or last year?

All the 5^th slides are going to be jokes. But please read the caption for me.

I know you are not the stand-up comedian, but I will provide the canned laughter, just tell me when.

Yes!  You found the universal truth… after one year survey and three articles and confusing pie charts.

Your slide is good for my daughter’s pajama, or the wallpaper of my Meals-on- Wheels neighbor.

The annoying is the dramatic animation you did. That gives me a seizure.

8:45 AM Miss Bipolar “Strategies to Horizons”

My strategy is not to drink too much coffee.
 It does not serve any purpose, other than recouping the registration in pennies. Firstly it makes my bladder empty at inappropriate timing, secondly when I try to sleep here, it will give me RLS.

Then comes the dreaded scene.

She switches off the projector, her assistants mushroomed from the crowd, distributing papers.

The shrill sound like the old dot matrix printer, “I want ya’ll to divide into groups of 5. “

“Sir, could you come here and sit here with these ladies?”

That is the coordinates for my ass.

“I would like each of you, sit across your neighbor and make eye contact and ask: What is the best achievement of your division? What is the worst point you think you had in your division?”

“Write it down….; and the group here, you guys tell me first. I will write down on this paper, yes, I am going to divide the groups into odd and even”

Lady, I had enough of your bull crap, my worst point in my life is now.

Where can I throw up?